Tuesday, February 7, 2012

OLD CHAT LOGS

OLD CHAT LOGS

<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo Hey
Andaye: Wat up
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo
nothin u?
Andaye: Im bumping that rapper you were telling me about
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo Really
Andaye: LOL no
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo L
Andaye: Don’t sad face me, look I youtubd him and I think he’s wack. But im no hater so let him do him, just don’t expect me to listen
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo u don’t like him?
Andaye: What difference does it make what I think? You’re the one thats with the guy
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo im not ‘with’ him were just talking
Andaye: What does that even mean anymore? Im sorry Im just out of touch
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo it means nothings official
Andaye: But you’ve slept with him?


(An uncomfortable amount of time elapses)

Andaye: ?
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo We’ve done stuff
Andaye: y so vague?
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo …. :P
Andaye: Seriously, would u stop with all the emoticons! you’ve been weird lately what’s the deal?
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo I want to see you again
Andaye: don’t I feel special!
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo you should I just don’t go around seeing anyone ;)
Andaye: I heard different
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo Hey! What’s that supposed to mean?
Andaye: Kidding! I’m only kidding! Look you’re still down to see me do stand up this weekend right?
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo yes…..
Andaye: what’s with the ‘…’?
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo I want to see you before then
Andaye: well… I dunno Im kinda busy this week. Me and the fellers are making magik brownies MAGICK!
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo pwease!
Andaye: only if you correctly spell pwease
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo Pllllease!
Andaye: Almost
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo PLEASE
Andaye: Okay! You know what a stikler I am for correct spelling
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo we should go to café crepe again!
Andaye: Honestly I’m not too impressed with that place
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo ?
Andaye: I was underwhelmed
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo that’s because you got the wrong thing
Andaye Why didn’t you tell me I was getting the wrong thing?
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo Because I didn’t know it was the wrong thing until after you ordered it
Andaye: WISE ASS!
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo J
Andaye: Alright we’ll get your fruity fake French pancakes
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo J
Andaye: You still have my number right its 647 *** ****
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo Yuppers! C ya later alligator
Andaye In a while crocodile!*

(*Editors note: yes I can be that lame)

One day later

<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo hey
Andaye: Wat up m’lady
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo Nuthin
Andaye Nuthin?
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo Nuthin.
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo Wat r u up to?
Andaye Sumthin ;)
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo O?
Andaye Remember that girl I told you about?
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo no
Andaye No u know, the girl I was telling you about. Cute?
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo no
Andaye No she isn’t cute or no you don’t remember?
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo Daryl texted me
Andaye The rapper?
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo  yup
Andaye: okay so we’ve confirmed your phone works
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo He wants to c me
Andaye neat
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo Like right now. He said he has the car so he can pick me up
Andaye: And then lay it down?
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo  LOL we’ll c depending on how things go
Andaye: Ok cool hopefully he doesn’t fuck like he raps, else u mite fall asleep halfway
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo  LMAO u suck
Andaye: Hey I gtg anyway ttyl,  keeps it funky spidermonkey*

(*Editors note: I hate me)

Later that night

<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo I thought u had to go
Andaye: I was but Betty’s online and I’m instant message romancing her
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo Lol how?
Andaye: U might not believe this but I can be very charming when I want to be
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo o?
Andaye: I’d show you but I wouldn’t want you falling in love with me- I value your friendship far too much
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo Keep telling yourself that pal
Andaye: I do value our friendship
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo No dummy the falling in love part
Andaye: ooooo ya dude ud be all over me. Speaking of which, what happened to Daryl the rapper?
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo Meh
Andaye: Meh?
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo I didn’t feel like doing anything tonite
Andaye: U mean anyone. Poor Daryl the rapper. He’s probly gonna write a song about this ‘Girl I’m so hurt/what is life worth…’ etc
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo LOL ur a dick
Andaye: Its my thing. hey brb its getting good with Betty Methinks I can try and weasel my way into seeing her this week *conceals yelps of glee
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo ok
Andaye: Peace out beansprout*

(*Editors note: Im actually kinda proud of that one)

Even later that night….

<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo Still online? We need to work on getting you some kind of life
Andaye: Har X2.    Im gonna see Betty this week!
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo when?
Andaye: Thursday *Does jig
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo Ummmm. Aren’t u forgetting something?
Andaye: I prefer not using condoms
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo NO we’re going to café crepe that day
Andaye OO no I remembered. We’ll just go earlier. Like noon, that’s cool right? U don’t mind? I reeeallly wanna put my best effort in with this Betty. Im thinking maybe you could give me a few helpful hints, u being sort of a lady and all
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo Excuse me ‘sort of’?
Andaye: Ya u kinda resemble what Im used to when I picture a woman
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo If u were here Id smack you right now!
Andaye: And if I were there Id like it. But this is no time for arousal! I need my beauty sleep me and the gang are having MAGIK BROWNIES 2mrw! Keep it awesome Opossum!*

(*Editors note: Don’t judge me, you all do lame shit too!)

The next day

<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo Hey why aren’t u out? Isn’t it magic brownie day?
Andaye Long story short I ate two when I was only supposed to eat one and apparently Im supposed to be really high when this thing kicks in so the guys thought itd be best if I stayed home.
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo how do u feel now?
Andaye honestly pretty okay. I think everyone overreacted Im pretty good at handling my shit. But whats up with u?
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo Nuthin
Andaye: nuthin? What happened to rapper guy?
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo meh. Brandon txtd me
Andaye: The ex right?
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo yup. We’re gonna hang out tonite
Andaye koo im sure you have catching up to do
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo ya
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo I had a dream about u last nite
Andaye O rly? How naked was I?
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo actually….
Andaye wait what?
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo teehee
Andaye I don’t know if it’s this conversation or the brownies but im starting to get light headed. Anyway, how was i?
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo good J
Andaye: Just good? Fall asleep and we’ll try again.
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo LOL

(An extended period of time elapses)

<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo So café crepe 2mrw rite?
Andaye yaaaaaaaaaaaaaa fooo sho
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo Noon?
Andaye ye
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo don’t worry this time we’ll get something not aweful
Andaye ye
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo whats with the short answers? R u mad at me?
Andaye Ne
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo ?what?
Andaye Brwnie fuklkkd up head heafy
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo I guess the brownies kicked in

(Another extended period of time elapses)

Andaye yE
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo LOL ok I’ll txt u 2mrw and we’ll figure everything out lator gator
Andaye DILE;

Early Friday morning

<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo OMG Brandon keeps txting me! Did I lead him on? Should we not have hooked up?

(An extended amount of time elapses)

<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo ? r u there
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo r u mad at me?
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo R U?
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo plz answer me
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo r u mad?
Andaye: NO IM NOT FUCKING MAD!
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo Y ARE U YELLING AT ME?!
Andaye …. Y did u call me three times when I was out with Betty yesterday?
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo I needed ur advice!
Andaye Did u really?
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo I needed to talk to someone
Andaye I was kinda in the middle of something
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo O wat the girl?
Andaye Yes the girl! Christ how self absorbed are you?
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo Hey!
Andaye life isn’t all about you and the randoms you fuck, things happen to me too
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo HOW DARE YOU
Andaye O I dare!
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo Look I wanted your help because I thought I could reach out to u but apparently were not as close as I thought maybe I shouldn’t bother asking you for help anymore
Andaye FANTASTIC! I can do without hearing about your boring diatribes about whether or not ur going to sleep with some guy uve been talking to or bitching about being unsatisfied with the same guy after you’ve hooked up. U wonder why all ur female friends abandoned u, its because you’re a self centered cunt!
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo FUCK U
Andaye Im the one person u haven’t
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo Where do u get off saying these things to me!?
Andaye Who the fuck do you think you are? U think u can come waltzing back into my life and just disrupt it at your own whim?
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo What? I don’t know what you’re talking about!
Andaye U most certainly do know what the fuck im talking about! U knew I had feelings for u when we first met, and you cavalierly threw all the dicks u sucked in my face and then u tried punking me out for not trying to sleep with u the same night u hooked up with that random thirty year old at that club
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo He was not thirty!
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo And I was drunk and I felt vulnerable because Brandon and I broke up that week
Andaye that’s not my fucking problem! I stopped talking to you for a reason, because your like a fucking poison! U know how I feel about you and u exploited me, and I have to make peace with the fact that I stupidly allowed myself to be exploited by u
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo … how do u feel about me?
Andaye …felt.
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo Look I don’t want to talk about this over MSN. Im calling u now
Andaye well im not picking up, my folks are asleep and I don’t wanna have them hear me scream on a bitch
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo Well come over
Andaye What? It’s 1 am are you smoking crack?
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo Come over please I need to talk to you
Andaye ur insane, it’s like a twenty minute bus and its stupid late
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo I need u
Andaye Lord, don’t say that
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo Please. U can spend the night I need to work this out or else I wont be able to sleep or focus on anything else
Andaye Read a book or something
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo please come I couldn’t stand it if you were mad at me
Andaye …fine Im coming. But if this is some sort of prank and you’re not home im taking a leak on your porch!
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo C ya in a while crocodile
Andaye … okay this is not the time for cutesy signing off messages, but I’ll c u in a few honey dew

The next day

<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo J
Andaye :>
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo Did you have fun last night?
Andaye Waay more than I expected to
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo why is it always me msgng u first?
Andaye I don’t want to come off as eager.
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo Im glad u came over yesterday <3
Andaye Ya.
Andaye Hey listen, Im gona go over my set for tmrw nite. Ur still coming through rite?
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo Of course!
Andaye Cool Im gonna head, see u in 24 matador
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo …that one wasn’t ur best
Andaye gimmie a break im all disoriented from yesterday! Peace out!

The next day

<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo so r u gonna tell me why you blew me off tonight?
Andaye … y did u bring Daryl the rapper to my comedy set?
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo oooo jealous?
Andaye … y did u bring Daryl the rapper to my comedy set?
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo If I have known ud be such a baby about it I never would have brought him
Andaye No one as manipulative as u could be that stupid
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo Hey! I resent that
Andaye and I resent u bringing that dipshit to my set!
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo u never liked him did u
Andaye ITS NOT ABOUT THAT! Girl what game are you playing?
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo I Don’t play games  I told u that when I first met u
Andaye BULLSHIT UR A LIKE A FUCKING PARKER BROTHER
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo wHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?
Andaye It means u brought him out for a reason, why? I have no idea, who knows what goes on inside ur twisted little mind
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo Look, are you just mad because you weren’t funny tonite?
Andaye … bitch r u fucking kidding me?
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo don’t take out your frustrations on me
Andaye … Id strangle u if you didn’t crave the attention
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo I don’t get why ur being so jealous, u knew I was seeing Daryl!  God sometimes I feel like u were raised on a farm or something
Andaye I don’t know why I waste my time on u, ur FUCKING NUTS
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo okay I get it ur hurt. I didn’t mean to piss u off, but daryl txtd me and I thought it would be a fun night out
Andaye For whom?
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo Well no one, but its not my fault u weren’t funny tonight
Andaye okay we’re done- that’s it. I don’t know what u want from me, but I cant take ur mood swings anymore
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo Wait! Look okay so maybe I made a mistake, I don’t need to see Daryl anymore
Andaye And what about the others?
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo What others?
Andaye the stable of guys u keep in a revolving rolodex by ur nightstand?
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo O so when a guy sees a few girls at once its okay but when I do it its not?
Andaye WHO SAID THAT ITS OKAY?
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo SOCIETY
Andaye this is a convo between U and ME society IS NOT INVOLVED in this
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo So what do u want me to do?
Andaye …nothing. Look I gtg
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo Wait. Come over. We’ll talk
Andaye no
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo pwease?
Andaye no I cant
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo … r u sure?

(long pause before the next message)

Andaye yes im sure. Later gator
<3StrawberryPeach<3XooXoo in a while crocodile.

After that I deleted her from all my contact lists and we never spoke again. Though I often hope/fear I’ll run into her again, and if that sounds corny or lame I don’t care.

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